God, I feel evil
For wanting to accuse you of breaking promises
For being sad when I don't get human validation
For hating this season
For not trusting that you'll bring restoration
I've committed treason
And my darkness runs deep
I've chosen delusion and sleep
Instead of seeking you
You're silence tears my soul to shreds
Sometimes I feel like you're just playing games
I'm not asking you to fan the flame of my narcissism
But can we at least acknowledge that I have been through an extremely unique, agonizing journey.
Why won't you rend the heavens and step into my life
Why must I suffer constant strife
Take your spiritual knives
Do heavenly surgery on my mind
Calm the energies you designed
If I did all this to myself, please forgive me
If I didnt, I don't even know what to say
I'm breaking down again omnipotent one
Is this all that you want
A man on the run?
A man to hunt?
I can't act in your play, I don't know any stunts
But I would if I could cause I don't want to be shunned
In that final way that only you can authorize
No, I want to look you straight in the eyes
I want to see if they're as profoundly captivating as I need them to be
I need to know that eternity
After all this vanity and insanity
Is still going to be beautiful
I feel evil for not being able to let go of the dream of helping the masses
I feel evil for being afraid to let you in
When will we get past this
My deception is my dirtiest fact, this
faith is small but my mountains are massive
God, I'm asking
In Jesus' name
Take this task, this,
tragic set of fragile bones just click clack, it's
time for you to once again breathe magic