with everypulse of his name
i felt the anxiety hum.
it urged me to ruminate.
it was better this way--
i was going to Maine,
and he would be in Hawaii.
we would come back
different people.
names with hearts still attached.
moving on, moving fast.
i only ache for him selfishly.
to give him enough,
but not everything.
i would know if it were right.
if the respect was high enough
for me to go all in.
he deserves more than that.
i can’t wait to see his smile,
his heart tied permanently,
to someone who will return it.
i will find that also, eventually.
i thank him for loving me.
i thank God for everything.
right now, our hearts are one.
but that will change.
in Your time, God,
it all will.
and that is good.
it will change forward
or it will bend backward,
God's will.