I love this feeling
But at the same time
It feels foreign
I question whether I belong
Whether I am deserving of it
I tell myself
The goal is to become seasoned
So that it all feels like every time
And that it becomes a habit
But I'm just sixteen
And I feel so awkward.
I smile so sweetly
Hoping it covers up my irregularities
Hoping I don't make it too awkward
Hoping I'm not as weird as I feel
I cringe at myself, honestly
Why do I stutter when I read
What has become of me?
Why am I so dumb, honestly?
Even the air hostess
Smiles at me knowingly
I'm just a dumb child
Travelling in Business class
With my parents' money
Even the steward was judging me
Why am I in Business
When they are in Economy
This feels so foreign
Because I don't belong here
I belong back there
With my mom and my brother
And I feel so fucking guilty
Before, I felt so excited
And now I just want to be with my family
But it's fine, it's just two and a half hours
Sleep still evades me.