the body is telling me things I don't want to hear
my period comes a whole week early
i google if stress can do that
apparently it can
my virgo calendar tendencies are so startled at the sight of blood at the wrong time
but it's clear
my body is over the whole thing
my body is telling me no
you're not doing that again
my body assures me, you're not pregnant
arent you glad?
you've been so scared the last few days
i gave this to you as a gift
i say thank you body
and eat cookies.
my brain is disrupting my sleep
i have awful crystal clear dreams
i never dream and i never remember them
but last night i did,
nightmares.
in one dream, i do something horrible in order to be with you
and then i realize it will make you despise me
the thought of your disgust
causes me to have that falling feeling
game over.
i wake up at exactly midnight - glancing at the clock i hear the thunder
the dog tries to get comfortable despite her fear of the noise
another dream
something precious to me is taken from me without my consent
an omen for how you will leave me
and i write self-fulfilling prophecies with a sharpie on my shoes and a switchblade to my palm
the dirt under my fingernails proof and evidence of my rage and despair at my inability to claw you from your biology
or myself from mine
and the body tells me these things
a warning of what I'm about to feel
in a dry scrape of sharp metal along pavement
this is going to hurt
but i plug my ears playfully and sing la la la
i don't know what you're talking about
and my brain quickly reminds me, "hey. i could kill you".
and i say, thank you, brain.
thank you for not.