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retreat again

The light at the end of the tunnel,

Is warm but so short lived,

Given countless bundles,

You have to choose to give.

Give.

Give of yourself,

Don’t stay in your skin,

Space out is a coverup,

And the world needs more of you in.

To give is to be present,

To not abort back into the space,

That small part of your mind,

Where you hide,

When you can no longer take.

To give is to be,

To sit while others talk,

And listen purposefully,

To not avert eye contact,

To not run out of rooms,

To not put in air pods,

When someone doesn’t see you for you.

To give is not to dash to a paper,

When something goes awry,

To not pen the moment,

And instead to let yourself breathe.

You are here now.

You are here now.

You are here now.

You’re not there, you’re not in your bed,

Be in the moment, get out of your head,

You’re exactly where Gd placed you,

And you can’t bloom if you never land.

Stop running from awkward,

You’re not flawed, you’re in one piece,

Stop hiding behind spacey, “writer”, and just too deep.

The world needs you in it,

Gd doesn’t make mistakes,

Invite your insides to lie,

Right on your face.

You can’t do life halfway,

Always if, “__________ was good,

It would be different”,

But who says that’s true,

Maybe it would be the same,

Scratch everything I was convinced I knew.

There's a map in my heart,

That’s scribbled, and ripped, and taped,

And all the parts I didn’t plan,

I scratch out while I gape.

It’s like the plans I’ve mapped out,

Hold me back from where I am,

I fear I live in falsity,

In denial and in fairyland.

It’s less painful that way,

To dwell in denial and my mind,

Cause things are too stark,

And they hurt all the time.

Maybe I’m missing my mission,

If I’m never really here,

I lie to myself every time,

It gets too hard to bear.

There's a little girl that’s disappointed,

I know she means well,

But how do I explain to her,

That each time she retreats,

She is building,

Her own version of hell.

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Written by
lizzlu
F
Published
May 18
Lines·Words
67·374
Notes

this poem sums up my life<3

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