i've seen things that haunt me with every turn i take. i just can't shake their ghosts that howl and crawl their way back into my soul, darkness settling deep in my stomach like a lead weight. and there's nothing i can do. no matter how many pills i swallow, alcohol in my system, or chemicals in my lungs; there's no running away from them. there's nothing i can do.
and i realize my existence is a joke. i know i've hurt so many people. i know i'm a mess and it would just be easier if i pulled the trigger. because i can't love. i can't feel. i can't move on. i'm stuck and i need help.
but i realize, i'm here because i'm a fighter and i don't accept defeat.