I'm afraid I'll never meet you
The man I wish I had
I'm afraid that I'll spend my whole life
Quite bitter, lonely, and sad.
I'm afraid that if I do find you,
You won't be what I thought,
Or I'll settle for someone less than you
Because "lesser" is all I've got
I'm afraid that you'll be perfect,
And I'll still be a mess.
You'll stay with me from pity
And resent me when I'm depressed.
And I'm afraid that if I'm better,
I still won't be enough
That all these years of striving
Won't matter when they add up
I'm afraid that if I heal,
I'll still be partly broken
That on the day you find me,
You won't want my hard-fought tokens
But I'm afraid for you to want me,
Because you'll want everything
Every part of me will open
When you slip on that wedding ring
I'm afraid that if we marry,
You'll see all that I am
And I'm afraid you'll see
How long my life has been a sham
And I'm afraid that when you have me,
I won't live up to measures
You'll only see the fissures
Where I have worked to mine out treasures
I'm afraid of our future
Cus if we end up great,
If everything works out
And we have ten more anniversary dates
I'm afraid that you won't want me
When my skin wrinkles and folds
Right now I am no beauty,
No majesty to behold
So what if when we age,
You don't want me anymore?
You could settle for a younger me,
But older? Not with what I've got stored.
But mostly I'm afraid
That you will want to love me
It's always been a fear of mine
For you to look inside and see
I'm afraid you'll try to love me
But try as hard you might,
You'll soon give up and move along
Cus loving me's too hard a fight
I'm afraid you'll want me open
And I'll finally let you in
And you'll see the broken pieces
That have always laid beneath my skin
I'm afraid you'll take one look at me
And decide I'm too much work
And you'll somehow find a way
To destroy what's left of my self worth
I'm afraid that things won't work,
But I am especially
Afraid that if you fall in love,
Then you will truly know me.
I'm afraid for you to love me
Because when you look inside
I'm afraid that you'll still want
Everything I've tried to hide.
I'm afraid you'll pick up every piece
And you'll put me back together
Cus I promise, I'm not worth it
I've seen too much stormy weather.
I'm afraid that you will stay
That you'll become my safety
Though I've hoped for much the same
I'm afraid I fear it greatly
Because if I love you,
I'm opened up to heartbreak
I'm vulnerable to you
And everything you could take
So if you come and find me,
Just know that I'm afraid
And if you fall in love with me,
Please promise me you'll stay.