Nursing Wounds

Bandage abrasions left by past These fractured parts need more than a cast On surface I may appear repaired Beneath skin are gashes never bared Scars harden but never fully heal Waiting eternity for time to soothe the pain I feel That relief doesn't arrive to medicate heart Wasted months on a remedy never meant to start We pour so much hope into finding a cure Leaving zero room to be anything but sure Made deals with any consenting party to negotiate Angels Demons Universe Fate Deserting rationality dispersed over floor In eagerness to stitch the severed seams that tore You cannot fathom number of lacerations Spread across soul like celestial constellations Alone I wander Earth's empty existence Exhausted travelling monotonous distance As I suffer silently disguising despair Learning the hard way expect no one to care Our masks so fragile Each daybreak decompose Vulnerability equal to defect Exploit and expose Memory festers like infected cut Contaminated by regret churning my gut Fading moments blistered brain Discontentment enough to drive me insane Shadows linger Hourglass tears My grasp on surrounding starlight disappears I lose aura in the colors of dawn Brilliant flames unfolding onto lawn Don't trust whispers accumulating inside When attempting to stifle sounds amplify Think I will not ever quiet my inner negative voice Shaping worth without offering a choice Then sculpt self-esteem like it's a hunk of clay Amputate perspective believing I'm okay Understand there is meaning below the hurt Yet the specifics remain concealed with dirt The three decades of roller-coaster thrills Cannot be wiped out with a handful of pills When heartbeat screams against the grain Gallons of willpower swirling drain I do not play games or manufacture facts Too hardened to melt like candle wax Heartache crushed me again and again Applied marks to permanently indicate where I've been Convenience to me is a long-lost relative Know better somehow are too quick too forgive Misery teaches wisdom but I'm failing class Enrolled in pain's lesson minus benefit of ensuring I pass Lying awake like I suffer a concussion Determined to avoid repercussions Longing for comfort skin starts to itch Wondering if I should just dive into a ditch You with excuses and unmet expectations Stories warped by euphoric sensations Treating Autumn like enemy Ready for fight Lines blur until no longer sure what's wrong or right Me pretending every scrape and bruise is healed In reality my soul is bleeding from sorrow I still feel Trapped in crevices where your love used to be Nursing wounds no one else will ever see

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Written by

AmandaKayBurke

30 / F / Alaska

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