I think I was more of a believer
than I ever wanted to admit
because I really thought
God obviously has something great
planned for me.
Why else would he have saved me
from a life of being paralyzed
at just one year old while hundreds
of others weren’t so lucky.
Plus I had a really rough childhood
so of course; right.
I would imagine what that meant.
Maybe an epic romance
of travel, and fun.
Then we’d buy a big beautiful house
in the country and have a few kids.
Or I’d be a successful writer in the city,
doing what I loved with a big group
of girl friends who are always there for each other.
But I’m 31 now.
And life didn’t go like that at all.
I stayed in my home town,
I got into bad relationships with men
who didn’t like me, let alone want to marry me or have children with me.
I became an addict and an alcoholic
for tens years.
Still am, just sober now.
And I am terrified to even leave my house
or drive on the interstate
so traveling isn’t an option.
Not that I have the money.
So idk. Maybe God still does have
something in mind. I just have to keep waiting