I'm not healing to be stronger
I'm not getting better
So that I can take hits again
Harder ones, stronger ones
And not get knocked down again.
I'm healing because life made me flinch
And it made me fear things I shouldn't have to
It made me hard
And angry
And it told me that no one was coming to save me.
Life gave me lemons,
And it squeezed them in my wounds
It made me believe that I could only trust myself.
I'm healing because I don't want to believe that anymore.
I'm healing so that safety doesn't look to me
Like armor, and walls, and pushing people away, anymore.
It looks like arms
Strong
Around me
Soft
And holding me
I'm healing because I want to know
What joy feels like
And be able to accept
That I should have it–I get to have it.
I'm healing because I want to be soft again.