the road dissolved into mist
and something in my mouth
tasted like stone
before i saw it
storm
shouting its arrival
somewhere
or inside the bones
the others
grey jackets
moving down the mountain
along the road
as if they belonged
to time again
i stayed
fever
skin not fitting right
teeth aware of each other
something opening
(where i was supposed to be closed)
stone shelter
small
kitchen
bed
to heal
i wasn’t sure
who that was
the small flame trembled in the lamp
light touching things
without holding
as if it could forget them
mid-air
she was there
in the corners
in the wood
in the breath of the room
in the cold of the glacier
and in the heat
that was not mine
a whisper
through everything
the shelter
was overflowing with stories
remembering themselves
jars on the shelf
full
with hands
with winters
lids hard to open
floorboards
soft
knowing footsteps
that never left
the wall
holding
names
no one says anymore
i recognised it all
as if i had written it
before having a mouth
in the taste of cold stone
on a tongue
that
forgot
water
voices layered
everyone at once
those who came
those who stayed
those who turned back too late
those who never returned
those who never arrived
the fever went deeper in
quiet
like it had been waiting
for me
to stop
being one
i lay there
then i wasn’t
(the body stayed
i think)
i moved
or spread
or thinned
wrong
word
for it
outside
no
—through—
the mountain wasn’t there
it was happening
what was there
before seeing
times folding
like wet cloth
passing
through me
more than one
at once
i drank water
cold
old
like it knew
every mouth
it did not ask
mine
i ate grass
at the doorstep
slow
bitter
warm
and waited
for it
to refuse me
just to feel
teeth
just to be sure
i was still something
that ends
she was there
everything there
arranged
around
no
as me
held
not gently
not violently
by something
that does not begin
does not stop
•
morning
light
trying
to behave
like nothing happened
the shelter the same
the mountain the same
i was not
now
sometimes
when i close my eyes
the wind comes
already knowing
where to sit
like it never left
maybe
i am still there
and this
(whatever
this is)
is the part
that forgot
how to stay