I'm all alone. And it's not because I've pushed people away, because I have made it a goal to bring people closer. But my sister and mother will drive away and not invite me to be with them because I am too mean. I'm too selfish and delusional, and psychotic to participate in normal human interaction...or at least that's what they've told me. "Go complain to your therapist." "You're stupid." "You're ungrateful." I've heard it all. And this low is so ******* low, that I don't know if I'll ever go back up. My mom told me to lock the door behind me. I didn't. I didn't lock it because I don't care if a ****** or murderer walks in. Let them hurt me, it's hard to believe that I could be in more pain than I'm in right now. But that's stupid, because each day that I live proves that further pain does exist. No one want me. No one wants to be with me. I want to escape into bottles of alcohol and **** and pills, but I can't, because my ***** of a mother drug tests me. I can't begin to explain how ****** up I am. I can't begin to explain the everlasting agony that burn in my heart. My family, they're gone. I'm nothing to them. And I thought that there was one person worth living for, because I'm in complete and total love. But the love is unrequited, unreciprocated, and empty. So what more is there? How much harder can I try? I can't.