Nov 2013
depression
is not a boy with oceans for eyes kissing your scars and telling you that you are beautiful
it's not beautiful
it's foggy and tight and suffocating and heavy and exhausting and vast and quite possibly infinite and it ******* hurts so much and yet you can't feel anything and the whole world is in some sort of dense smog and nothing makes sense anymore and your head is constantly pounding each dull thud is another reason to pull the trigger it's being chained to your bed and crying for an hour when you finally have to get out from under the covers and face the world because the smog outside is blinding compared to the storm inside your head it's not being able to look your mother in the eye because you're afraid of what she'll see it's pulling and tugging at your soul it wants you it wants you dead it wants to drink up all you have it feeds on your sadness and your worry and your fear and it's having itself a proper ******* feast and it just keeps getting stronger and stronger and it laughs at you when you are far too weary to pick yourself up from the dirt it is the thing that kicks you just for the **** of it and it kicks you when you are down and when you are too tired to even cover your face you just let it hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt because the hurt is better than being numb and you are just so tired
depression
is not tragically beautiful
it's just tragic- no- it's pathetic
it's pathetic and disgusting and it's a miracle i've got any friends left
depression
is not a fashion accessory
it is not another quirk for you to add to your godforsaken twitter bio
it is real and it is pain and suffering in its most potent form
and i hope, for your sake, that the boy with the oceans for eyes that you dream of
will not kiss your scars
he will look at them and he will not feel sorry for you, he will not fall more in love with you, he will be angry
he will be angry that it hurt you
he will make you promise to never ever ever hurt yourself ever again
because you are a creature of this earth
and you deserve better
(and I do too.)
is not a boy with oceans for eyes kissing your scars and telling you that you are beautiful
it's not beautiful
it's foggy and tight and suffocating and heavy and exhausting and vast and quite possibly infinite and it ******* hurts so much and yet you can't feel anything and the whole world is in some sort of dense smog and nothing makes sense anymore and your head is constantly pounding each dull thud is another reason to pull the trigger it's being chained to your bed and crying for an hour when you finally have to get out from under the covers and face the world because the smog outside is blinding compared to the storm inside your head it's not being able to look your mother in the eye because you're afraid of what she'll see it's pulling and tugging at your soul it wants you it wants you dead it wants to drink up all you have it feeds on your sadness and your worry and your fear and it's having itself a proper ******* feast and it just keeps getting stronger and stronger and it laughs at you when you are far too weary to pick yourself up from the dirt it is the thing that kicks you just for the **** of it and it kicks you when you are down and when you are too tired to even cover your face you just let it hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt because the hurt is better than being numb and you are just so tired
depression
is not tragically beautiful
it's just tragic- no- it's pathetic
it's pathetic and disgusting and it's a miracle i've got any friends left
depression
is not a fashion accessory
it is not another quirk for you to add to your godforsaken twitter bio
it is real and it is pain and suffering in its most potent form
and i hope, for your sake, that the boy with the oceans for eyes that you dream of
will not kiss your scars
he will look at them and he will not feel sorry for you, he will not fall more in love with you, he will be angry
he will be angry that it hurt you
he will make you promise to never ever ever hurt yourself ever again
because you are a creature of this earth
and you deserve better
(and I do too.)
