I dedicate this night to the thoughts I'd rather lay to bed
And watch them smothered under black pillowcases and heavy weights
I eat worse than I should
I let me body take a course of its own
I have too much time to waste
I do less than I could
I look in the mirror and quickly look away
I laugh when a smile would suffice
I shudder, cower and do not compete
I think I am more aware, more complete
Defeat is my most loyal companion,
dissapointment a rude guest I always make excuses for,
loneliness stretches its hand accross my chest,
and reminds me to sleepwalk again
And I have friends I meet less than I should
A mother whoose kisses I pull away from
A father I make no time for
And a tomorrow I need to hide my shame from
And I have so many canvases to fill with dreams
Pristine brushes in full bins
And so many heights they told me to reach
Slipping from my delicate grip
Bites I dared not take
Things I should have said
Or not
Loves I miss without cause
Or loves that would have merited the pain
More things to reminisce on and complain
about, a girl with a sweet laughter,
and a lifetime not lived spent without her
Maybe more money to use well,
Or selfishly and without care,
Wonder how many years back I am,
From you reading and all the rest
I pretend to understand,
though I know to try harder,
I think of the glass as half empty,
and cannot void my head of these thoughts
Of ships I did not board
Things I did not write
Plans not made
Strong winds and no kite
But perhaps I will learn
How not to stumble by my own
How I can best stand
How I can be better than I am