I hate this feeling,
like I belong. But I don't.
like I matter. but I don't.

I just need something, anything
to get me out of my mind-
something to cloud my brain,
something to dull the pain, the feelings.
Substance.
Pills. Alcohol. A blade. Something destructive.

I want something to temporarily hinder my ability to think,
to feel, to be.
I want something to mess me up, to make me feel just about anything but this.
Something to take me anywhere but here.




"Honey, I think you should run...




                                                                   run."