So I fell. Recklessly, headlessly, in all of the ways I said I wouldn't. I fell deep and hard and fast. Like the skydiver who's cord won't pull. Like the traindriver who's car is full I moved too quickly. There was no time to stop and realize this could never end well. Whether now or in twenty years. And all I have done is postpone the expiration date. It hurts sometimes. Especially when I realize the way I miss you now is nothing compared to the way I will miss you then. The day you lock that door for the last time will **** me inside. I gave you the code to everything about me. My fantasies, my family. My deepest fears, my future dreams. The words I speak will form the key that allows you to unlock me. Leaving my heart broken open, spilling all my tokens of rejection and affection. All my lifelong infections in my lungs my heart, my brain. I don't hold things back from you because I can't. I can't be anything but my crazy, needy, sad, scary self, when i'm with you. But recently, that isn't true. I have been bottling everything. Saving it for the perfect moment when I could say it and you could own it. And that moment hasn't come. It is no where in sight and that makes me run from feelings like these that I have for you. I keep thinking an end is the right thing to do but something in me won't give up on you. Some part absolutely must refuse my heart in letting go of you. And I am ******* terrified, that this thing might be really true. But I can't shake the feeling it isn't. What is it about you that you keep hidden that drives me along in my endless mission to stay with you? And will I find it before you find out that everyone leaves eventually.