my life has been a big joke
never taken seriously
nor seriously taken
mostly just laughable, memorable
scenes you would place in an indie movie

imagine the most contrived and self absorbed
cinematic extravaganza
that always ends in happily ever after
now in place the high school version of me
and play it on repeat
welcome to my life
as simple plan would say

on my average every day
you could count the amount of times
i think of nothing but myself
only if each was a dot that freckled my skin
only if each was a non perishable in a food donation bin
but in the latter case you wouldn't have enough
and when I realized that
the daunting reality of human depravity
is when God became so much more real
when he slapped me across the face
and blood dripped from my nose
not from the brunt of the blow
but from the hand of the innocent
not just the one who was sent
but the ones who cannot be sent
cannot be moved
and cannot escape
trapped
in someone elses sick idea of prosperity
someone's sick idea of "making it"
the only thing we're "making it"
is someone else's hell
and when God slapped me across the face
he said to me
"LOOK AT MY CHILDREN, MY CHILD!
LOOK AT MY CHILDREN
BEING STACKED AND PILED
LOOK AT MY CHILDREN BEING REJECTED
NEGLECTED
BEAT
HIT
ABANDONED
MY CHILD
I hear their cries
i hear them breaking
their hearts being crushed under the pressure
i see their homes being taken away
i know the depths of darkness they experience
each and every. day.
my children they are suffering
my children they are lost
broken
sprawled out on the floor
being made into each others tool of satisfaction
and that's only a fraction

my children
run to them
not away from yourself
towards me"

that's when I started taking God seriously
the day I realized that this world is too ******* up to be able to even cope

now my life isn't a joke
because my life may be someone else's hope.