I feel so alone and filled with anguish
That must surely pass before I begin again tomorrow,
And as I continue to flush the nonsense from my mind and find myself in there,
This is tedium as a diary.
I am still a fixture of the loam,
I don't have to go on about it
When you can see it for yourself
I dwell in the cracks,
I fall hopelessly in love with myself
And then I peel-apart and feel even worse than before.
I can't steam it out.
I've tried repeatedly and it's still there,
Like a parasite eating with no concept of moderation,
I'm gonna start banging my head against the porcelain
To have some reminder of sincerity.
This all feels so hopeless and fake again,
The same way as it did in college but more sinister, incredibly.
I have made nothing but wrong decisions.
///
They erased the standard I held myself to
With a few clicks and backspaces,
Like it never happened at all.
An editor that doesn't know my name
And knew me as a gimmick or performance,
I was nothing more than an omission that could be made easily
And never thought of again.
I had no voice for years because I refused to speak,
And am now turning back to admit:
I have a few things to say.