i saw an old coyote today
or what was left of one
biggest id ever seen
or maybe i only say that now
because death makes everything larger
and smaller
he was hung on a fence post
just caught
skin silhouetted the shape of bone
bone learning to breathe air
wind threading him through the wire
as if finishing what time began
how many seasons did he carry in his ribs
how many ribs counted the winters
empty belly winter
winter belly empty
did he lope across sage and dust
did he sing into a dark that never answered
did he nose through frozen fields
for a scrap of frozen something
meat meaning mercy
mercy meaning meat
he must have been magnificent once
full fur full hunger
yellow eyes bright with the bright of wanting
wanting wanting
and now the sockets
two small rooms
where sight used to live
i think of the mirror
how it keeps a room for my eyes
how it keeps them hollow
how it keeps
this coyote is me
this coyote is me
caught on some small decision
some ordinary wire
a fence i told myself was horizon
a boundary i knew as safety
i tell myself i endured
i call it surviving
i call it striving
but the words thin out in my mouth
and my mouth thins in reply
how many winters have i spent
shivering beside my own life
sniffing at closed doors
mistaking rust for refuge
mistaking trust for refuse
i grew into my bones
i grew and grew
until the growing was only ache
until the ache was the only proof
that i was still warm
and what for
to be found like this
in the middle of nowhere
which is to say in the middle of myself
long dead
not yet fallen
bitter is a small word
it barely covers the bone of it
the way i let myself be snagged
the way i stayed
starving slow
slow starving
waiting for someone
or something
to cut me down
but the wind only passes through
and calls it singing