Too naive I guess. I thought 10 months ago that moving on to my future safely without you just required
I forgive you.  
I've learned that the decision to forgive is no where near strong enough to compete with the pain of the heart.  
"the heart wants what the heart wants."
You are gone and my mind has created an illusion of you that doesn't exist and probably never did -
I live with images and strong emotions of this illusion.
I wonder if for matters of the heart for every second of bliss  - we get a second of dispair.