_
i wasn’t looking for silence
i just wanted the buzzing
to shut up
for once
and mean something
i glowed
as long as i could
carried strangers’ suitcases
filled with wet sand
dragged people out of fires
they didn’t know they were in
my palms were put out bare
as if i were made of stone
and then
everything turned inward
the body stood
like an empty station
and i
was no longer in it
people passed through me
thinking i was a road
leaving mud on my ribs
like the doorstep
of a house
no one sleeps in
and inside—
only a world reflected
in cracked glass
that never learned how to be real
i quieted
to try and hear
what refuses to be said
i pulled back
into fewer things
a chipped cup
a key that no longer turns
silence didn’t heal me
it just stopped hurting
i began to love it
as a way
to let the needing end
i stacked hours there
like old newspapers
damp
and no longer useful
it pulled me to the bottom
where no questions live
only
a kind of stillness
that asks for nothing
i stood in silence
and the world kept growing
the world doesn’t wait
it only is
and then
a voice appeared
not made of gold
or music
plain
like bread on the table
whole
and unexplained
a voice you hear
only when you stop
digging at the dark
with your fingernails
trying to make it speak
a voice i could live beside
with joy
watching the world
despite everything
grow better
i wasn’t searching for silence
i was searching for you
and you came
when i had no name
no cry
only an open hand
that is no longer
only mine
_