I love you
from a distance I had to learn.
I wanted you to be there
to see me, protect me, choose me.
But you were always somewhere else,
chasing storms, other loves, other children.
I carry sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion
from a childhood that never felt safe.
I remember doors closing, streets moving,
and feeling invisible while the world spun around us.
I watched life happen to me
without you holding me through it.
When I needed you most,
you weren’t there.
I know you did what you could.
I know life has its battles.
But some things you cannot give back
love, presence, protection.
Still, I miss what I never had.
I grieve the mother I imagined,
the one who stayed, who chose me,
without conditions.
I am hurting,
I am confused,
and I am learning to forgive but not to forget.
I am learning to love myself enough
to step back,
to set boundaries,
to survive.
I give you this because I want you to know:
I love you,
but I must love me more.
I will always be here in my own way,
but I will not be lost
trying to find a place that doesn’t exist.