It used to be that I couldn’t get her to turn and face me
I couldn’t get her to lock eyes
And when our eyes would meet
She would ask what I was doing staring at her
And I would answer that I was admiring her
And she was silent

Now we match stares all the time
And we just look at each other
Perhaps we are looking into each other’s souls
But it seems to be too late
Because I can’t move in to kiss her
I can’t tell her that I love her
Because I can’t feel my love for her without shame

I can look into those beautiful eyes all day
Those beautiful brown eyes
Speckled with green
She tells me I have deep brown eyes
Because the phrase dark brown is not meaningful enough
I don’t know what she means by it

I want to watch her as she watches me
But it feels like it’s too late
It doesn’t matter anymore
She turned her head away when it mattered
Funny how you get what you want past the expiration date
I would have done anything to turn her head that day at the theater

She wouldn’t even look at me
I should have known that day was it for me
I wasn’t going to kiss her
I was going to make a point by not kissing her
But she moved in for the kiss
And I couldn’t deny her my lips, as she denied me her eyes

I saw it all coming
With these dull brown eyes
But I went with it
Hoping that I could look into her eyes
Without her laughing
Without her questioning
Without having to worry
I really wanted to see her love me

She doesn’t laugh anymore
She does question it sometimes
She doesn’t seem to worry
But there is no love in her gaze
Just guilt
As if all I am is a bad reminder of the atrocities she committed
As if my eyes carry my love
That forbidden, shameful love
And that love stings her
But she can’t look away
Because she loves the pain