until i fall from the 13th floor
i am going to stop talking & only murmur
i am going to whisper & stop this wonder
why decide if i can't
& why decide if i only
shiver & shake from morning to noon
until i fall from the 12th floor
i am going to soak in what my child left.
it is emptiness
& two pens
why move forward & why
move me to feel?
until i fall from the 11th floor
i am going to continue this simplicity
& greet, not retch at warmth or conversation
until i fall from the 10th floor
i am going to close my eyes
opening yours & then blinding mine
until i fall from the 9th floor
i am going to pull us close & divide
i am falling from the 7th floor
& i am going to give myself grace
it's not too late
& i am falling from the third floor
there's the rest which will never come
my hand reaches out for the second floor
& my voice whimpers for you
my hand retracts
& crumples into me
pushes into my heart
& now I'm finally close & open for you
head to heart
heart into lungs
lungs towards my liver
my hair toward my ankle
& then to feet
(i bend and change for you now)
(& i beg for grace)
as i hit the floor.