Aug 2010
i know it wasn't perfect. but i felt like i was in heaven. you made me happy, so happy i felt ridiculous. we didn't fight much. but i can't tell now if that was a bad thing or not. i don't know why you don't want me anymore, is it because you loved getting ****** up more than me? cause it seems you've embraced that as your new lover. or maybe i was just the guy in between your separation. the sadness of your absence in my life is so hard to bear, i can't tell if it will ever go away. what does that mean? does that mean your my one true or something like that? i didn't believe in such nonsense. but i just don't know anymore.
i don't know anything. you gave me a pill that was too vague to swallow. if only you just told you didn't love me anymore or you fell for someone else. something else, anything else. but no, just that you were ****** up and you needed to go it alone. well guess what, i'm ****** up too. and the loneliness is killing me slowly. i think about our future many years down the line and it makes me so sad to think our lives won't be intertwined anymore. you'll live in France, and i'll live somewhere else and we won't talk anymore. i won't be able to look in your eyes or remember your smile. we'll have kids with other people and we'll die on separate continents and our hands will never grasp each other again. i loved your hands, i still do. i'm dealing with this pain every day and you probably hardly even think about me anymore.
i know now that you never loved me like i loved you. i was probably just a sweet guy in the torrent of **** you've been dealing with throughout your life. but for me, you were like that person i went looking for years ago after all the trauma and the pain, i ventured through the desert and i thought it over, i was numb and had already given up. and then you stood there before me, with one flip-flop, bathed in the summer light. you saved me from myself and i never told you that. i miss you. but i know that you don't really care.
i just want you to know that all the silly childish things i wrote to you in my letters, i meant every word. you are the best person i know and i will always care for you. i am proud to have ever been loved by you.
i don't know anything. you gave me a pill that was too vague to swallow. if only you just told you didn't love me anymore or you fell for someone else. something else, anything else. but no, just that you were ****** up and you needed to go it alone. well guess what, i'm ****** up too. and the loneliness is killing me slowly. i think about our future many years down the line and it makes me so sad to think our lives won't be intertwined anymore. you'll live in France, and i'll live somewhere else and we won't talk anymore. i won't be able to look in your eyes or remember your smile. we'll have kids with other people and we'll die on separate continents and our hands will never grasp each other again. i loved your hands, i still do. i'm dealing with this pain every day and you probably hardly even think about me anymore.
i know now that you never loved me like i loved you. i was probably just a sweet guy in the torrent of **** you've been dealing with throughout your life. but for me, you were like that person i went looking for years ago after all the trauma and the pain, i ventured through the desert and i thought it over, i was numb and had already given up. and then you stood there before me, with one flip-flop, bathed in the summer light. you saved me from myself and i never told you that. i miss you. but i know that you don't really care.
i just want you to know that all the silly childish things i wrote to you in my letters, i meant every word. you are the best person i know and i will always care for you. i am proud to have ever been loved by you.
