Who do I tell of my loneliness
Surely my friends must be tired of hearing it
But maybe that idea
Is what keeps me lonely

I see a pattern in my loneliness
First it was boyfriends who isolated me

And recently a reading showed me that it
Was in my childhood too
A feeling of being disconnected from those around me
Which Id never considered before

So there’s that new info
That maybe this pattern is from much earlier on
That maybe I’ve found the root

My loneliness is a symptom I suppose
Of a belief
That what?

I tap a finger on my brain and ask
The belief to reveal itself
That connection is unsafe
And that it must be masked in protection from the Lord?
That was I suppose the belief
That all connection with others, with nature, with the self
Needs a buffer of holiness

**** that
I want to eat the dirt of this delicious earth smell the skin of a lover
laugh with a friend in such a way that our souls leave our bodies and mingle as our diaphragms convulse beneath our lungs
I don’t want any buffer
Between me and others

Tomorrow I will invite the buffer to
Float away
And see if loneliness awaits me in my car
On my drive from work