i am sitting here
attempting to write out
a christmas list.

and now i am wondering
when it became so hard
to think of what i want.

i want things that
coins and bills
cannot buy.

confidence,
bravery,
happiness,
beauty,
to not feel lonely.

maybe that is why
it is so hard
to think of material things.

they do not matter in the grand scheme of things,
and i want to matter.