I remember
when I was younger
and I asked what it was like to grow up.
They just shook their heads and said
"Stay young while you can."
I never really understood what that meant
until I turned fourteen
and everything started changing
and things got harder.
I didn't know why my aunt sometimes cried late at night
when my uncle was at work.
And why my parents were quiet
when they had to say no to a trip to Florida
with their friends.
And why my best friend
didn't talk to me anymore
and wore that dark make up that made her blue eyes grey.
I didn't know why my brother kept getting more pale
or why his eyes looked sunken in, and he was always tired.
I just know that he missed a lot of school and spent a lot of time in the hospital.
I didn't know why I was feeling more sad
as I got older
and why it got harder to smile.
But then I found out that
the reason my aunt cried was because
her husband had cheated on her and she still forgave him.
I found out the reason my parents said no to their trip
was because my father lost his job.
I found out, that the reason my best friend stopped talking to me
was because some older girls gave her
a choice - me, or  them.
And the reason she wore the dark make up
was because an older boy told her she wasn't pretty enough
for him.
I found out that my brother was dying.
cancer.
he was leaving us soon. we're trying to make the best of the time we have.
And I found out the reason I just kept getting more sad
and why my smiles didn't come anymore
was because I was something called
'Depressed.' and because I was smart enough to understand
the struggles people faced
and how they felt.