can we talk?
can we talk about how uncomfortable i am, when you put me in the middle of this?
can we talk about how i want to be there for you, but when you tell me there isn’t anything wrong, so  i can’t do anything?
can we talk about how you tell me not to worry, when worry is clearly etched onto your face?
can we talk about how you look at her during the day, or how you dream about her still?
can we talk about the way i want you, i want all of you? i want the pain, i want the hurt. i want you to feel safe in my arms.
can we talk about vulnerability, and how we’re kind of at a stand off?
can we talk about how i  wish that we were open about our past?

or is it just me?
am i hiding, am i making things up?
am i being cynical?
this has happened before.
is there something wrong with me?
i don’t want a pity party, i don’t want drama.
rule number one: no drama.

i don’t want her name to sit in your mind, it sits like a poison that seeps into your eyes and through your blood.
i can physically feel your pain, and there is absolutely nothing i can do about it.
what can i do, to keep this going? it hasn’t even been two months.  i feel threatened. i feel lost. i feel sick. i feel like something is wrong, and i can do nothing about it.

which is why i am staying home this week. i am staying away from you, until i can clear my mind.

i’m so sorry i have to do this for my own sanity. i’m sorry i let it get this confusing to me.


i’m sorry that i throw myself into a tizzy over little things like her.




i’m sorry i don’t know how to tell you all this with my own mouth.






i’m so sorry.