I was pretty young
When I took my first sip
I was well aware of the danger
But that didn't matter much
It's hard to fear death
When you secretly
Pray for it

So I drank a fifth
Of some street corner bottle
I was so ******* cliche
With the paper bag and everything
I guess some would say
It was a cry for help
But I didn't want help
I didn't want
Anything

I didn't want to be a functional
Part of society
I didn't want to help the wealthy
Stay wealthy
And the poor
Stay poor
I didn't want to hinder
The growth of the human experience
I didn't want the media
To consume my soul

I didn't want any of it
Any part of it at all.

They say alcohol is addictive
But I don't think
It really is all that addictive
I think people are
Hooked on the possibility
That something could finally
Erase their past
From their memories
Addicted to the way
The cells might line up
And die off
Side by side until
The pain was obliterated

So, obviously
I drank.
I drank a lot back then
Because for just a minute
Or an hour
Or a night
I could forget everything
That ached in my chest
I could muffle the demons
For just a night…

That's what I was addicted to -
The idea of a fresh start.
I'd drink anything with the side effect
Of erasing the past.

It's not the alcohol.
They're addicted to the promise
Of a new life.
One brain cell at a time.