how are you supposed to tell a person things without them not feeling the intensity of your words
I am not for everyone, and that is my magic
You cannot take that from me
I am starting to loose my self because you have constantly kept finishing faults in me
Imagine telling someone who is so sensitive
You no longer want to be involved in their family
Given the dynamics of us
How do you expect me to not feel pain knowing that
Knowing that the picture I have painted in my life was not this
I grew up daydreaming of marriage and kids
That completely has vanished but when I see kids I feel a sort of emptiness
Mind you
I understand that this is what I have chosen
I am still allow to feel the pain
It does not just vanish out of nowhere
I actually have not had the time to think
To write
To let my mind spill
Because I have centered my world around you
And unfortunately only your words have been inside my head
Tell me
How is a person supposed to feel when they hear things like
I do not want to hang out with your friends ever again
Tell me
How is someone supposed to get vulnerable and tell you everything
And you come back and slap them back in my place
Personally how am I supposed to become a better person
When I’m constantly fed things about myself
While I know I am not perfect
I know I’m not that bad
Imagine someone telling you that every time they talk to you
You don’t know how to listen
When all you learned to do while healing was listen
The confidence within yourself
Matter, let it out
You tell me things about myself to frequent
You bring up my past relationships
And question why they ended
Because I ended them
Point blank period
Imagine knowing how someone treated you
And you are over here trying to form a conversation with them
I’m not telling you to be mean
But I know exactly who you are
You don’t things it’s a lot for me to carry
You don’t think I’m constantly fighting things
I told you I wanted to turn the page and enjoy my time with you
You responded with
I’m drained I want to go home shower and go to sleep at 4:30 pm
Why would I stay around someone that just told me that ?
I told you from the beginning
I have layers that require patience
I have numbed myself
I have lost confidence in who I am
I asked you the other day can I come see you play kickball
I’ll even sit far you wouldn’t know I’m there
You respond back with I’d rather have somewhere I don’t have to hide
Thanks for the support
Just wow
I literally always feel like a shit person
And I’m not
I know my worth.