there's a blizzard inside my chest
its been churning through me for days
i'm cold
i'm tired
i'm dizzy
and the air stings my face

there's been a funeral in my mind
going weeks on end
i see myself
every night
hands rested
an overdue quiet
as if peace could be so easy

and there's a frog in my throat
i seize up and then croak
chewing on my words
tongue heavy
oxygen
almost
impossible
my cheeks burn in the effort

my eyelids don't listen to me anymore
i've lost entire days
seeing things
that aren't there
and taken
against my will
intrusive thoughts dressing up as dreams

and lastly my thoughts are broken
mushed and stuck and sticky and wrong
squinting
but they stay
turning away
hating myself
for the things i cannot change

i try to wait
i set the date
but doctor doctor
i'm  
in    
so      
much    
pain