Why do I always get hit
with a massive wave of I miss my ex
after a good day?

I always ask.
And then I wonder:

Do I miss you now
because I finally feel safe enough
to feel everything?

Or is it my subconscious
looking for someone
I once handed this joy to
like a secret?

Maybe it’s because I’m evolving
and some small, stubborn part of me
wishes you were evolving with me.
Wishes I was doing this
with you.

Or maybe it’s just that
our story never ended,
it just stopped.

And that ache I feel now
is the unfinished sentence
I keep trying to finish
without your voice.

But how do I reach you
without shattering what’s left of my pride?

And more than that
how do I stop this wave
from crashing over me
every time life finally feels bright again?

How do I stop missing you
not when I’m broken,
but when I’m whole?

Because it’s then
when I’m laughing,
thriving,
almost healed
that I miss you most.

And I hate that joy
still makes room for your ghost.