i’m sorry dad father baba

i’m so so so so sorry escape my lips time and again and again and again i’m made of apologies that i release with gusto in whimpers on any given day [problematic days] i have so many of them they lie under the surface and bubble and stew and boil and i’m sure they’re expected but not no none none whatsoever their nature is a mystery to Outsiders

if you don’t live in the Great Vast i cannot explain it there’s nothing there damp sweaters and apologies through blubbering mouths sewed to record players
but it’s there and it’s been there forever
and i know it will be there forever.

today is your birthday and i don’t know how old you are
i don’t even know the minute and hour and second i don’t know if this is your real birthday or not
we went to target and i splurged money that was not my own on a nice green shirt that you will wear under white jackets
i know you will do this because i know a part of you
a tiny part the part that is My Father.
you have given everything and not really hid but rather just never revealed who you are
tough tough tough i can spin words about the You that i know that will make my own head twirl and crack on the carpet just because i have seen a sliver of one of your selves
i think you are cruel.
i think that you have the outside lining of a teddy bear and the second self of a *******
and the real you is something i have never seen before.

you also got a family from different puzzle pieces this year
2 are lost 1 is faded and the rest are drug addicts
happy ******* birthday.