Nov 2013
There has been darkness in my heart manifesting depression through my thoughts and its spreading like cancer to every part of me.
Transmitting shocks through my brain like my blood is the apex of an iceberg cutting out my joy.
For some reason I felt the need to pass out of earth.
The most dangerous thing about depression loneliness because you think no one understands you.
So then you suppress it. Burying under smiles that no one can detect it. Because you don’t want people to think you’re weak so you smile like a mime clown when you’re not really happy but your heart is playing the part of happiness when your heart is the ‘’dark night’’.
You cannot hide your true feelings trying to encourage broken people when your heart isn’t bailed for liberty.
You eat until you dry up the voices of weeping and mourning underneath your loneliness and you gain calories in your heart on the fact that you lack self-worth. Then it becomes so much easy to die then to live with your brokenness.
I know how it feels to feel like an outcast when the only option you have is playing chords with your fingers underneath your thighs.
I know how it feels to love genuinely but have in return a package of hatred.
I know how it feels to think about suicide more than to think about Jesus. Being scared to talk about your weakness because you’ll be tagged for backslidings.
I know how it feels to sing beyonce’s ‘’save the hero’’ to yourself even though it’s a secular song because you’re trying to re-boot your spirit telling yourself you’re a hero.
I know how it feels to feel hopeless that even life doesn’t smell good in your spirit.
I know it hurts to the bone!!
Jesus was flogged with whips, His flesh was ripped apart and exposed,the disgusting flames of people He was about to sacrifice His life for, was all over His wounded body just to take away this feeling of depression. This is why He said it is finished! If God made Jesus conquer death, what makes you think He can’t help you conquer life?!!
Therefore, I will boast in my weakness because His power is made perfect in my weakness.
I will play with my fingers the keys of my heart on the piano.
Eject the thoughts of negativity and press on the victory because the race is not to the swift but he that endures even in depression to the end.
Priscilla Adams(AraSoul)
Transmitting shocks through my brain like my blood is the apex of an iceberg cutting out my joy.
For some reason I felt the need to pass out of earth.
The most dangerous thing about depression loneliness because you think no one understands you.
So then you suppress it. Burying under smiles that no one can detect it. Because you don’t want people to think you’re weak so you smile like a mime clown when you’re not really happy but your heart is playing the part of happiness when your heart is the ‘’dark night’’.
You cannot hide your true feelings trying to encourage broken people when your heart isn’t bailed for liberty.
You eat until you dry up the voices of weeping and mourning underneath your loneliness and you gain calories in your heart on the fact that you lack self-worth. Then it becomes so much easy to die then to live with your brokenness.
I know how it feels to feel like an outcast when the only option you have is playing chords with your fingers underneath your thighs.
I know how it feels to love genuinely but have in return a package of hatred.
I know how it feels to think about suicide more than to think about Jesus. Being scared to talk about your weakness because you’ll be tagged for backslidings.
I know how it feels to sing beyonce’s ‘’save the hero’’ to yourself even though it’s a secular song because you’re trying to re-boot your spirit telling yourself you’re a hero.
I know how it feels to feel hopeless that even life doesn’t smell good in your spirit.
I know it hurts to the bone!!
Jesus was flogged with whips, His flesh was ripped apart and exposed,the disgusting flames of people He was about to sacrifice His life for, was all over His wounded body just to take away this feeling of depression. This is why He said it is finished! If God made Jesus conquer death, what makes you think He can’t help you conquer life?!!
Therefore, I will boast in my weakness because His power is made perfect in my weakness.
I will play with my fingers the keys of my heart on the piano.
Eject the thoughts of negativity and press on the victory because the race is not to the swift but he that endures even in depression to the end.
Priscilla Adams(AraSoul)
