although i was
taught to grow
out, i told my-
self to grow in,
like the women
who create this
space around
them, for the
men in their lives.

i shrunk my-
self skinny, i
made myself
thin, because
i didn't want
the rotund
lifestyle all the
men in this
family has.

instead of late-
night drinking
and going out
for dinner every
night, i stayed in
and threw my
dinner in the bin.

i made myself
a living dead
person, all bones
with a suit of
human flesh.
i went days with-
out eating a thing.
i didn't eat until
they took me to
the hospital and
forced fed me there.

they are trying
to teach me the
art of growing
out, instead of
in, because it's
not normal for
the boys to do
what the girls
do - growing
inwards in-
stead of out.