The first time we broke up
I felt alone when I was with you, so I decided to be alone
You didn't like that
Said you were gonna break up with me first, but I bet you to the punch - Who even says that?
Did you mean it?
Or did you just say that to hurt me?
Made it as hard and uncomfortable as you could
You knew what you were doing though..
Telling me not to sleep in the bed, to sleep on a beanbag
Threw a beanbag at me
I know we broke up and break ups are hard but I thought we could do this like adults, civilly
You were in the loungeroom playing video games
So I couldn't sleep on the couch
Telling me not to do this and don't do that
The next day I moved into a new apartment
Feeling sad, lonely and free simultaneously somehow
Then Mum died a couple weeks later
This broke me
Losing someone that gave you life
That brought you into this crazy world
Someone that you love - No matter what has happened in the past
Unconditionally and wholeheartedly
Certain times of the year used to make me so happy.. now make me almost unbearably sad
I know that death is a part of life - But you were so young
I feel like when Mum died a part of me died with her
I felt bad because I wasn't there for my brother
I felt like I let him down in that moment because I lived interstate
I got there as fast as I could though to be with him
What if I never moved interstate - Would you still be alive?
This question crosses my mind from time to time
I called your Mum first I think.. Or my Boss
My mind was all over the place
Not sure why I called your Mum but we were close
She used to call me the daughter she never had - that was really sweet
She asked if I had told you
I said no because we broke up
She said that you would be devastated if you found out from anyone else
I hesitated.. But I called you
You answered and came to meet me
Took me out for dinner and drinks
But all I wanted to do was cry and drink
Eventually you brought up the break up..
Said you wanted to take me interstate and marry me
I was shocked
Why are you saying this now?
At this very moment, it's so inappropriate
Did you say this because you thought it was what I wanted to hear?
To this day I question your behaviour