I woke up from comatose
For taking a strong dose
Of some freak herbal tea

My hands were feeling cold
They looked wrinkled and old
From sleeping by the sea

Then I was told
By a lady wearing gold
That I needed new clothes
For I was shattering my teeth

She said I could get some gloves
At a warehouse down the road
And shoes for my feet

So, I drove my shopping cart
Down the Street of the Destitute
There to the old mart
To get me some mittens and boots

On the end of the road, I saw
A decrepit brick wall
Where the old market stood

It was forsaken place
Long left in disgrace
With windows of rotten wood

I walked through the parking ground
Until by the gates I found
An ancient pig as guard

I knew I was out of luck
When my vehicle got stuck
And I couldn’t run a yard

As the crinkled hog struck
I quickly tried to duck
Behind the shopping cart

The beast jumped like a goat
And it almost got my throat
But I escaped by a hair

I promptly offered him some wine
Because I knew that a swine
Would drink without a care

My gift worked out fine
The mean creature got benign
My neck it would spare

The guard got drunk as a skunk
And I quickly dived in the junk
As a stuporous pig laid on the ground

In a pile of scraps, I sunk
And amidst the waste I found
A pair of gloves for cold weather
And boots of shiny leather