You said you felt your sin was
Unforgivable, just because
Everything inside you
Knew
The harm that it would bring.
It’s true,
It took me some time to process
That darkness—
That darkness that eats you up inside,
That darkness that you try to hide.

Yes, my sorrow is for me,
Knowing that I could never be
The first woman you would see
In her sacred entirety.

But even more,
My grief is for you,
Who does not know just how near
Jesus holds you, nor how dear—
Especially in that moment when
You lose control and turn from Him.

If you could fathom
Even a part
Of how much He loves you in His heart,
Or how great His longing for you when
The dark takes you away from Him—
Why, you would cry with joyful grief
And gratitude. My belief
Is that your worth is so much more
Than your struggles, because He
Died for the sake of thee—
Not for the “who could be”—
No!
He died for your quiddity!

Oh God, if you only knew!
Your soul would overflow with tears,
Not tears of shame or tears of guilt,
Not tears of fear or hate. God spilt
His blood for those who are unworthy.
He loves you who are unworthy!
He loves you who are unworthy!
Yes, you will fall again and again,
But Jesus calls you back to Him.
The only pain you would feel
Is the pang of joy, and ne’er yearn
for lesser fleshy things. You’d burn
With desire for the Great Lord of
Peace and Mercy and of Love.