I am scared.
I am afraid.
I am undeserving –
but I work,
I try,
I do what I can.

People say
I have earned this,
I have worked hard,
that I am strong.

Then why
do I question everything I do?
Why do I doubt if I even belong?
How did I get here?
Why –
why can't I let go?
Why do I keep going?

Even though I hate it –
even though I am tired of it –
even though I try, and I fail –
over and over,
and over,
again and again,
and again.

I fail.

Yet,
I still try.
I still keep pushing.
I still get in my head –
I –
I still struggle.

Over and over.
Again and again.

This is my cycle.
I cannot break it.
I try –
I do –
but in the end,
the cycle always wins.