Have you ever questioned your ****** expressions
Or the sound of your own voice
Have you ever been in a screaming match
Fighting for your right to simply exist

I know that sometimes I laughed too loud
And been happy when it wasn't my turn
If I wasn't on the same page of manipulation
I ended up as the one who got burned

When I say was I was burned, it's true
I have scars from lighters and ***** toothpicks
My head has been bashed into the wall a few times
And I've been locked in a pitch black closet

I've been choked till I thought I was dying
And pulled out of a moving car by my hair
It was just another awesome party
The night I was thrown down a flight of stairs

Anytime I brought someone new around
He took the opportunity to make them his own
In his mind we all belonged to him in some way
We could never leave because his house was our home

I just wanted to be included
And have my own small sense of freedom
These were supposed to be my people
My best friend was the ring leader

We all had our turn at the head of the table
To recover from and participate in his agenda
But he knocked us down one by one to rock bottom
With random pills and bottles of tequila

We weren't allowed to be around each other without him
For fear of putting together these patterns
All of us girls were special to him in our own way
Until someone was singled out to be tortured

I've taken someone to the hospital for being poisoned
And watched his brother almost fall off of a roof
We trespassed in unfinished construction
And helped look for money that was in his back pocket

I was coerced into drinking until I blacked out
Because I trusted him more than my real family
He says he saved my life on a night I don't remember
So of course I owed him blind loyalty

I watched my belt get used to tie someone off
And I pierced my own nose with a nail from the floor
It's a miracle I survived a single night in that place
Some of us now only exist in stories

Our nicknames were not endearing but ruthless
For 8 years everyone I loved called me Ugly
I was too ****** to defend myself into another bruise
So I laughed along and pretended it wasn't crushing

So many of us fell into his sink hole of a heart
And in his room we were lonely but together  
Our friendship no more than a trauma bond he created
A group of damaged kids just using each other

I relished in the moments it was just me and him
When our time was genuine and his love was true
He was my best friend who saved me from myself
But only after getting me drunk and high on his abuse

When things were good he admitted he was the problem
He knew the ***** brought out a dark and evil side
I always forgave him when he apologized profusely  
Dr. Jekyll was my friend but I'm still scarred from Mr. Hyde

Sometimes I still question every little thing I do
And sudden movements will trigger PTSD
But I haven't seen him or been drunk for 10 years now
That smell just takes me back to my gaslit family

There are words to describe his predatory behavior
Narcissism, alcoholism, and a slew of mental disorders
I lost years to smoked out memories I've long since buried
But the day he lost his power was the same day I got sober