‎if only I was dead in some other place,
‎not here, not now, not stuck in this space.
‎somewhere my name never meant a thing,
‎where no one asks what I'm feeling within.
‎
‎if only I stopped bending backwards,
‎tied my worth to something that mattered.
‎but I bled for hands that let me fall,
‎I screamed in rooms with no one at all.
‎
‎I love too hard, it's always a crime,
‎give them forever, they give me time.
‎I carve myself into pieces so small,
‎hoping someone might want them all.
‎
‎why can't I be good at anything real?
‎I fake a smile, I fake how I feel.
‎I try and I try till I tear apart,
‎still no one sees the bones of my heart.
‎
‎maybe out there, I'm a real boy
‎not this hollowed-out, disposable toy.
‎maybe I laugh, maybe I breathe,
‎maybe I don’t want to ******* leave.
‎
‎but here I rot in plain sight,
‎the sun don’t warm, the stars ain't right.
‎I hate people, hate their lies,
‎the way they look with empty eyes.
‎
‎I want to perish, just dissolve,
‎no mysteries left to solve.
‎no more trying, no more "fine,"
‎no more pretending this hurt ain’t mine.
‎
‎I don’t feel joy, don’t feel the pain,
‎just static thoughts inside my brain.
‎why am I always the one who tries?
‎why do I fall for every disguise?
‎
‎why do I chase what runs away?
‎why do I beg for them to stay?
‎why do I whisper in rooms gone cold,
‎hoping love will take hold?
‎
‎no one ever stays.
‎no one ever sees.
‎I give until there's nothing left of me.