It's hard to miss you
when you're still here
sitting next to me
or down the hall
or simply in another room

Because I don't miss your presence
and I'm not mourning
your death
I don't miss you because you're gone
I miss you because it will
never be the same

I'll never have your laugh'
so warm and real
something that made me
feel happy and safe
because now the sound is cruel
and mocking
laughing at what we used to be

I'll never have
what we used to have
and I'll miss it endlessly
I missed how we were before the pain
how you'd used to play pretend
with me to pass the time
and how we could always
confide in each other

Now each secret
feels like a bullet in a gun
and each word you breathe
feels like knives against my skin
you're not who you were
and I'm not either
but you became a snake
while I became a dove

We're not what we used to be
and we never will be again
you used to like seeing me laugh
and now you laugh when I cry
I used to think
making you smile was the greatest thing
and now I wish I could claw
that wicked grin off your face

Stop laughing at my pain!
stop acting like we
didn't happen
we were friends once
two peas in a pod
sisters who couldn't be separated
and you laughed
while that childhood dream
burned by your hand

I don't know why
I still kneel
digging through the ashes
trying to find some shred
of kindness in you still
but it's all warped
and the touch burns my hands
and now all I want
is for you to leave

Because I know
I know you won't stop
I know you won't change
I know you don't care
I want my sister back
but she changed so much
the only thing tying us together
is the same blood that runs through our veins