we spoke. finally.

I had been seeing you around lately.
and with each time I saw you,
my hands trembled a little less.

and then we spoke. it was not just a 'hi'.
we exchanged a few words, and went on with our day
well you did. I have been stuck on that day for a week or two

and then I went out tonight. I couldn't sleep. I wanted some fresh air and to be outside of my room, a box where my thoughts get trapped.

I stumbled upon you, at your balcony. How. Why. You?

we spoke. laughed a bit. and finally I did it. something I had been meaning to say, each time I saw you. you gave me the perfect opportunity, by asking me why I do not work at the same place you do.
I said, it's because of you.

I told you about the impact your actions have had on me in the past year. I told you, and in my mind a voice told me not to. to not seek validation and recognition from you. and I did it. I could not forgive myself if I did not try.

and you were, well, kind.
it felt like I could breathe again, after a year of drowning in my pain.

last week a friend of mine told me, people that have hurt you, or that do not deserve to be in your life anymore, dissappear. "life has a way of removing these people from your life".

the first person I thought of was you. who could be so cruel as to let you move into my building, work at a place I go to too. if there was a God, it felt like he punished me with you. why did life not remove you?

I was looking at it all wrong. I had a part of me that I had to heal, and I could not do that, without at least trying to talk to you.

thank you. I appreciate and accept your apology, and the way you spoke. you did not accuse me of lying, or did not try to make it into a joke. I appreciate you seeing me and my pain, and you did not look at me in disdain. thank you for acknowledging my feelings, and letting them be there. and thanks for letting me be angry, and sad too. I know hearing these words could've been ******* you too.