If I knew
that would be the last time
that you looked at me
with anything other
than hate
I would have held your gaze
tried to memorize every part
of the moment
so I could remember
even when it hurts

If I knew
how much you could
learn to despise me
I might have tried harder
to understand more
to cling tighter
to help when you needed
and back away when you asked
maybe then
you would still love me

If I knew
that it would all end
the way that it did
maybe I would've
tried harder
to hold it all together
even as the shards of it
cut my hands
maybe I would've held on
just to feel something again
that wasn't only pain

If I know
that I don't know
when the last time
I'll hear your voice is
the last time I'll see you smile
the last time I can be in the same room as you
Maybe I can learn to
hold on tighter
to love even when it hurts
because I don't want to lose
the only good thing
I've ever had