i’ll fall in love so many times
my heart’s bound to get broken

this was just the first time, my dear
that words not meant were spoken

i said that you were worth it
but now i’m not so sure

it’s hard to imagine myself
being so naive and immature

to think that all the pain i felt
and all the tears i cried

would somehow be rewarded
by the things you tried to hide

my mother spoke to me today
her voice straining with concern

and once i was able to comprehend
i felt my stomach churn

“i just want to strangle him,” she said
“he comes into your life,

and uproots you, takes you away from us
cuts you off just like a knife

from your friends and family and God, and for what?
so he can break your heart,

and go flouncing off to college
and enjoy his fresh new start?

just how does he sleep at night
knowing that my little girl’s

whole life has been turned upside down
and she’s angry at the world?”

i held my mama’s hand
and told her what was on my mind

“i know i didn’t listen.
i know that i was blind.

i couldn’t see that what i needed
was just the very thing

i turned my back on that april night
when he and i began our fling.

what i desired was just affection
to feel valued, to feel loved

to begin to feel self worth,
and not the lack thereof.”

so Chris, if you are reading this,
know that i will be okay

but don’t think that i’ve forgotten you
although i know you’d like it that way

you’ll always be there in my head
even when i finally

meet someone who gives a ****
and wants to be with me

i know that you know how it feels
to be head over heels in love

with someone who in every sense
is absolutely incapable of

loving you back in the same way
no matter how much you try to show

that they mean everything to you
that you just cannot let go

but dear, the sad truth is
it was my mistake as well

to think that my life could turn out
something like a fairy tale

with you at least, because you see
my prince will one day come

he loves me more than words can say
and at night when he gets home

i’ll come running into his open arms
and without fear or guilt or pain

i’ll tell him that i love him
knowing that he feels the same.