Something inside me is there, but can not speak. It feels weird when I smile.

I can't laugh. I can't express my anger.

When someone is making me uncomfortable, sexually harassing me with their eyes, I can't not react. I can not open up to other people. I can not speak when angry. I can not express my frustration. I can not show shame or embarrassment. I can not cry. I can not tell anyone what happens in my life. The bad thoughts and memories pull me and weigh me down.

Maybe I should try to speak. Even if it doesn't feel right. Even if I explode with anger.

I think I am de-compensating