I'll stay up until my eyes give out
and stay asleep until I jump back awake.
I'll keep fighting until my lungs give out
and stay in whatever solace is left in this place.
You can go a year on your own,
coasting at whatever pace
and then have **** near every ounce of peace
snatched from right in front of your face.

I dont know whats to come or how ill manage
but I know ive always found a way before.
No matter how many times I fall and break
I never fail to get up from off the floor.
I will stay here for a minute though to ground.
The only times I wish for company
is when I cant get it from the friends i've found.
Its no shock its a test.
To try and find rest despite it.
Feeling my nervous system panic
and try to fight it and not being able to flight it.
Its not new or news
i'm just tired of being abused
im tired of having to be strong
and i'm so tired of being so confused.

I am not like these people
so I could never understand.
Simply because id never move how they do
but I still try to comprehend.
It doesnt matter intent.
It doesnt matter whats shared in kindness.
I could lay it all on the table
and they'd still keep their hand hidden.

I see I'm meant to deal with it solo.
I just dont know how to do so
yet without fail, without handbook,
I do it once more.
If I have to end you for my progress
I WILL contemplate whether to pull a trigger.
I know what would be at risk
and id STILL not want to end a father.
Its inevitable.