Its not that I remember you
cause I never forgot,
but when I actually think back
I instantaneously get lost.

I get lost in the current,
tension in the waters,
wondering your distance,
the sloshing in my stomach.

The waves of each emotion
crashing the time thats still passing
starting to feel slow motion,
the regret still amassing

and its never a regret of you.
its my disturbance,
the ripples I sent before I could've stayed.
So I've remained at bay.
Sitting. Waiting. Wadding.
treading. dreading. debating.

I cant send blame when I sent you away.
I send out a line.
ring once. twice. stop trying?
Know i've been attempted to do whats best
even if its putting this to rest.
Ive disturbed the peace.
once. twice. more? before.
I settle on the sea floor.
I have found peace in the still
counting krill. growing gills.

I can breathe now.
Head under water.
Find peace now.
though my love has never faltered.

I could live this way.
I just don't want to.