I know that I have lost you, forever.
Although, I never truly had you.
I can feel that you're really gone.
You don't appear in my dreams anymore.
We don't talk like we used to.
It's silly.
I feel stupid for loving you unintentionally.
I lost myself in your gaze.
In your eyes.
God, your eyes.
What kills me is the false hope I still have and still hold on to.
That I can't seem to let go of.
I know that you will never love me,
Or see me the way I that I do.
I feel stuck between wanting you to be happy,
And wanting to be your happiness.
I can't have both.
You don't see happiness with me.
You never will.
It kills me.
I don't know how to set you free.
I am struggling.
Thoughts of you ******* me at night,
In the morning when I wake up.
I am addicted to imagining a perfect future with you.
One where we are so happy.
And you have chosen me.
My mind spirals and I lose myself in this illusion of you and I.
I snap out of it when I remember, that you love someone else.
I picture you and her together instead,
And somehow, you seem happier.
And I break down.
"Why does he not love me?"
"What is wrong with me?"
"Why am I not enough?"
"I wish I was her."
I slide back into the illusion hours later, and repeat the cycle over, and over,
And over again.
I don't know what to do anymore.
How to make it stop.
I feel sick.
I need medication to get you out of my system.
I am battling to set you free.
I pray to God,  to give me back my strength so that I can set you free.
These emotions worsen.
I don't know how to let you go.
I have spent so many months admiring you.
I can't figure out, what I am lacking so badly within myself, to feel this way about you.
Something must be wrong with me.
Maybe lack of self love.
I don't know.
I just know that it hurts.
And I would do anything for it to stop hurting.
It was never my intention to obsess over you.
I saw a potential life partner, and I wanted to love you.
For a while, I thought you felt the same way too.
I don't know if it was all in my head.
I don't know if it's possible to be so delusional.
I struggle to believe that.
I know what I saw, and what I felt every time we locked eyes.
All the moments we shared.
The way that you looked at me,
talked to me.
I may never know.
I just want us to both be free.
I want you to be happy.
I want to find happiness too.
Even if it means letting you go.